For those of you who do not have the time to read the last twenty-or-so blog entries, or who do not want to humour our self indulgence any more than is absolutely necessary, I am going to attempt to summarise the last fortnight in a page or two. After all, a quick word count indicates that there is well over half a full length dissertation to contend with, most of which is, admittedly, my own drivel.
New Zealand as a country masquerades under many different guises- Akoxxx, (the original Maori name meaning ‘land of the long white cloud), EnZed (Lucia’s favourite), and Godzone amongst others. Godzone comes from God’s Own, as in ‘this is God’s own country. If he were to live somewhere, it would be here. Though should God not be such an adrenaline junkie and so disdainful of the British weather he may well find much of new Zealand packed away in the secluded corners of Britain.
Certainly Ireland can provide the rolling hills and much of the scenery (though perhaps to a lesser extent), Scotland can provide the snow capped mountains and Wales can probably put forward the sheep- which outnumber the residents ten to one. And England? England can provide the populous, as it seems to have done. Every other person in New Zealand seems to be an expat, or more accurately a gap year student who has exchanged the proceeds of his return flight home for one last bungee jump and is still working in Queenstown to recoup the money. He has even sacrificed haircuts to do so.
New Zealand is not a big country and we managed to cover the South Island fairly comprehensively during our stay, but didn’t even touch on the north. That’s not to say we didn’t leave our mark on the place; I take personal responsibility for one decapitated turkey and a comatosed possum; Lucia for running dry New Zealand’s stock of Perky Nanas; and Skins has left a trail of emotionally scarred and, in some cases, broken hearted sheep in his path.
With a short and intense journey like this, personal learnings are often the greatest. So what have we learnt? Trying to squeeze three people into a two berth campervan to save money is not a good idea. My toes are now too well acquainted with Skins’ face and vice versa; and the only positive to come from the situation is that Lucia managed to stay quite toasty sandwiched between the pair of us.
Speaking of sandwiches, we have also learnt that a human can have cheese, tomato and avocado sandwiches for lunch every day for three weeks with no significant ill effects.
Finally, before I came to New Zealand I thought personal hygiene was an imperative. I’ve since learnt that it is optional, and you can put a price to personal hygiene- exactly $1. In one of our more regrettable moments we actually sacrificed our morning shower to save the $1. That’s 50 pence!
Oddly, New Zealand does not seem as rugby obsessed as people seem to think, even in the current build up the World Cup soon to be hosted in NZ. Sure it shows rugby on all the TVs in pubs and most of the restaurants, but you certainly don’t see groups of Maoris practicing line outs in their lunch breaks as the media would have you believe.
Also, don’t go to New Zealand expecting constant entertainment, of all the cities we visited, with the possible exception of Christchurch, they could be quite extensively explored within a few hours and the only place I would like to spend a prolonged period of time was Queenstown, which has everything; it’s a haven for food lovers, beer lovers, adrenaline junkies and spa goers. We spent three days there, and I could easily have spent more...going to FergBurger every night for dinner.
That said, all the cities, if small, are lovely, charming and friendly and the roads that join them offer some of the most staggering scenery imaginable- it’s no wonder Peter Jackson decided to film the Lord of The Rings trilogy here. The decision may also have been based on the residents’ natural resemblance to Orcs.
On reflection, the things that I would really recommend doing are as follows: The Milford Sound overnight cruise; a glacier walk on either the Franz Josef or Fox glacier; a trip to see Shireen in Akaroa; exploring the Fox River caves if you’re feeling frugal; and spending a fair bit of time around the Queenstown region- skiing on The Remarkables, if possible.
In the interests of being impartial I should also suggest some things not worth doing; the Cadbury factory tour in Dunedin is pretty terrible (only surpassed in terribleness by the chocolate it produces); Pancake Rocks aren’t really worth seeing (or at least don’t go out of your way to see them) and finally; don’t try to share a two person campervan between three people in the middle of Winter.
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